Do you take time to appreciate everything that makes you-YOU?
Most people believe that they have learnt to appreciate the things that make them ,I too belonged to this category of people until recently .
I am a writer , Itake pride in it. Generally for me writing is a safe place and I appreciate the gift that it is. Whether it’s poetry,a short story ,an essay or just me pouring out random thoughts here, I always aim at leaving a piece of me in my writing so the writer may find and take it. But not until recently did I think of the why ,why I do that.
Looking back I realized I started writing when I was really young because I was sad ,I let a piece of me (the pain) in my writings because that made me feel better, then when I wrote about a happy time I left joy for someone to take
Back to appreciation, I realized I have been appreciating the good things and acknowledging the great times alone yet in reality I am made of more that just smiles,even tears built and groomed me.
So today I take time and declare it to my sadness,my depression, my anxiety,the mental breakdowns and heartaches. The dark times made me and I appreciate that
I am a Psychology student and I like to think of mental health practitioners as heroes ,people who save lives or help change them. And sometimes I think it’s selfish but it’s partly why I chose to do psychology. I live by the understanding that people are broken and while I know that the only person with the power to fix an individual is him or herself,am attracted to the idea of guiding people get back on their feet
I first had suicidal thoughts when I was about 10 or 11 years which by many standards was pretty young to want to stop living (Interacting with a few kids I have come to realize that there so many experiencing the thoughts I did back then ,some at even younger ages) .I was going through a rough time (a weird thing at such an age). A rough time at 10/11 should have been not having a pretty dress for Christmas,my dolls head falling off but I was going through things that i would never wish upon any child or adult . My parents were going through a separation and I felt like it was all on me
I had been homeschooled pretty much before that ,but then I had to go to school. Boarding school after being homeschooled is a strange transition and I got bullied. My mum used to pick me up every weekend which was supposed to be pretty cool but I had to bite my tongue each time she asked “how is school”, I faked joy while telling made up stories about how much fun I was having. It would have been so easy to tell her but I did-not want her to worry
My entire childhood was not sad,I had some really blissful times and it’s those that I held onto while I curled up in my bed at night.When the dormitory lights were off or I was certain my mum was asleep,I tried to remember that there were still happy times . Though some days,most days I wept and wished I was dead.
Today is suicide awareness day and it got me thinking, will I be that hero? Are mental health practitioners really as great as I think them to be because I have seen flaws in some. Will I be flawed? Am I already flawed because while I’ve picked myself up so many times. And yet still on some days I just breakdown.
10 in 100 Ugandans commit suicide each year. Nearly everyone has suicidal thoughts,what differs is extremity and ability to control them.So you never know what the other person is facing
You never know who is going through a hard time so be kind to everyone,be gentle and listen. I have learned that people are often dealing with so much but they have been taught to mask their pain (NOBODY WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT YOUR MISERY) . But everyone deserves to have someone to talk to,someone who will not judge them,you can be that someone to friend or a even a stranger. You could save a life by just listening and being present. Be the outside voices that out weighs the voices in the head.
Recently I found my self watching clips of models on runway. What started as away to just pass time in between reading and watching TED talks turned into a source of inspiration and motivation.
In one of the clips, the theme was “models falling on runway “. I was intrigued by it,in my head I imagined that if I was one of these girls ,standing up would drain me. But I watched and saw how gracefully they rose,the confidence with which they continued to walk after stumbling and falling. I realized that what goes on on that runway is so similar to what happens in life
We are all super models and the world is our runway. Just as the models,we too have people watching us,analyzing each and every move . And sometimes we do stumble and fall,but then we get up and continue to work hard
If the fall is too hard,remember your a super model,you own the runway. All those that are watching cannot be you,so show them your great. Get up and keep walking,with grace and confidence